Archive for Stress

When Your Ship is Dead in the Water

Rodney Agan / February 22, 2013 / 3 comments

Recently, the Carnival Cruise Line ship, “Triumph” experienced a fire on board.  As a result, the ship was disabled 150 miles out in the Gulf of Mexico.  Over 4,000 passengers and crew were stranded with a minimal amount of food or electrical power.  Sewage and clean water became a problem.  They were so close, yet so far, from civilization.  After about 4 days of anxiety, the ship was towed to port, but it was not too “triumphant” on that day.

It is amazing how quickly life changes. One minute people were enjoying the luxuries of an exotic vacation.  The next minute there were standing in lines for hours just to eat, and sleeping in deck chairs and in hallways.  One minute they were enjoying the pools and hot tubs.  The next minute, they couldn’t use the restrooms in their own cabin.

Sometimes, life hits us like that. You feel like you have everything under control only to find out you don’t.  What should you do? Freak out? Panic? Shut down? Give up? When you allow circumstances to dictate your response, you will often make irrational decisions.

Here are seven lessons learned from this experience you might think about when your ship is dead in the water:

1-    Don’t forget about the good times you have already enjoyed.

2-    Remember, destinations change, and that is not always a bad thing.

3-    You can handle more than you thought you could.

4-    Sometimes, you just need a tug.

5-    Determine to learn from the experience and “live for another day”.

6-    Admit it- You can’t do anything about things you can’t do anything about.

7-    Work with me here… Sewage happens!

If you are frustrated or at a standstill in life, look around for life-lessons.  See things from the bigger picture.  Remember, one incident does not necessarily need to define your entire life.

What are your thoughts?

Category: Carnival Cruise Triumph, Change, Fun, Personal Development, Responsibility, Stress /

Some People Will Drive You Crazy

Rodney Agan / December 5, 2012 / 2 comments

If you haven’t already, take a moment and read an earlier post called “Some People”.  Some people just seem to do nothing more than take up our much-needed brain space.  They simply will not go away. They know how to get under our skin.  Every time we look up, there they are.  Every time we make a decision, they have their “two cents” worth to add.

Some people will drive you crazy because:

1-    They don’t know where THEY are going. We have all been driving behind someone who was lost or confused.  They slow down and speed up.  They use their turn signals, and still do not turn. In life these kinds of people are always changing careers or looking for the next big thing to come along.  They need their W-2 forms sent by UPS each year because they have so many from different jobs.  They will distract you from your path if you let them. 

2-    They don’t like where YOU are going.  Have you ever had someone riding with you that knew the “short cut”?  They had a better way.  They wanted to tell you how and where to drive.  These kinds of people in life will frustrate you if you listen to them.  They are unhappy with where they are in life; therefore, they do not believe you should be happy either.

3-    They don’t care where OTHERS are going.  If you are ever in a hurry you will always get behind someone who is not.  They get in the fast lane and slow down. They pull out in front of you and drive 45 miles per hour.  They will not allow you around and will not speed up.  Eventually you will break the law to get around them if the opportunity arises.  In life these people will cause you to become reckless if you let them.  If you get too frustrated, you will make bad decisions yourself. 

Don’t let others set your speed or your course. Don’t allow them to alter your route or agenda.  Just be patient, soon they will make a turn and get out of your way.

Category: Change, Personal Development, Stress / Tags: , , , , , ,

When You Get Your Signals Crossed

Rodney Agan / September 26, 2012 / No comments

This year there is a lock-out of the Referees for the National Football League because of labor disputes.  Because of this, the NFL has hired replacement officials.  They have never officiated for a professional football game before (and it shows).  There are protests over almost every game they have called.

Recently, they made a game ending call that has stirred reaction from the fans in the stands all the way to the President of the United States.  The game ended with a play that was called “incomplete” by one referee and a “touchdown” by another.

Sometimes these kinds of things happen with our decision-making in life.  If you have your signals crossed about a major decision in life, you might want to consider the following thoughts.

1-    You may be out of your element.

2-    You may not have all the facts.

3-    Circumstances may be out of your control.

4-    You might want to get another opinion.

5-    Be confident about the decision before you make a definite call.

6-    Admit when you are wrong.

7-    Learn from your mistakes.

Category: Communication, Personal Development, Stress / Tags: , , , , , , ,

Mental Weight Loss

Rodney Agan / September 17, 2012 / No comments

We are all on mental overload.  We carry smart phones that work for us, but it takes work to get them to work.  Technology is promoted to make us smarter, yet it dumbs us down.  We are all connected to events around the world instantaneously.  Generations that preceded us heard the local news and not much else.  Most of their mental capacity was focused on their faith, family, friends, and work.

Today, we are on mental overload and it is causing people to have mental breakdowns.  We have loaded our minds to capacity. As a result, we cannot sleep soundly or think rationally.  We need to go on a “Mental Weight-Loss Program”.  I would like to share some ways we can accomplish this kind of weight loss.

1-    Cut back on social media. 

There is no need to know the status of every friend on Facebook in “real time”.  Emails and voice mails can wait.  Untie the invisible tether from your phone and give your mind a break.

2-    Don’t feel the need to know everything.

Because of technology we can know everything about everybody around world at the touch of a button.  News travels around the world at almost the speed of thought.  Back away now and then and give your mind a break.

3-    De-clutter the junk.

Not only is good information abundant, so is bad information. Don’t waste your mental capacity with non-essential information.  It just takes up valuable space.

4-    Give up trying to please everyone.

How much time do you spend worrying or contemplating how to do things for other people?  Trying to please everyone will leave you frustrated and with feelings of inadequacy.

5-    Let go of past failures.

If it is in the past, it is behind you.  If there is something you can do about it, do it.  If not, let it go.  Don’t waste mental space beating yourself up or tearing yourself down.  Let it go.

6-    Exercise your right to forgive.

Forgiveness is your right.  When you don’t forgive someone, it is allowing them to live “rent free” in your mind.  Don’t give away this kind of valuable space to someone.  Forgive and move on.  You will be glad you did.

7-    Take an occasional mental “sabbatical”.

The Bible teaches us to take a rest every seven days.  That is good advice for your mind.  Occasionally, find a place to “dis-connect”.  Turn off the television, computer, phone, and radio.  Allow your mind to “think” on its own.  The renewing of your mind will help it rejuvenate.

What are other ways to have “mental weight loss”?

Category: Communication, Personal Development, Stress / Tags: , , , , ,

Do You Feel Misunderstood?

Rodney Agan / September 7, 2012 / No comments

Do you feel misunderstood? Well, do you?  Do people misunderstand how you really feel or what you are going through?  Often when we feel misunderstood it is because we think our life is much different from other people’s life. Face reality.  We are ALL under pressure.  We ALL have our good days and bad days.  The problem is when you start to feel misunderstood all the time.  When this happens, you have some things you may need to consider.

I want to name seven of them.  You may have more.

If you are feeling misunderstood:

1-    You may be lying to yourself. Are you trying to portray yourself as someone different from who you really are?  Look at yourself in an honest light.  If you do not like yourself, no one else will either.

2-    Lower your level of stress.  Sure, that is easier than it sounds, right?  Not entirely.  There are things in your life that you have no control over, but there are other things that you have complete control over.  You can change things like negative thinking, a bad attitude, speaking your mind, etc.

3-    Listen to the tone of your voice.  Do you sound accusatory or demeaning?  We usually do not realize how we sound to other people.  They take the tone of our voice and apply it to what they think we are saying.  Listen to a recording of yourself talk. That will wake you up.

4-    Are you cynical by nature?  When you have a cynical attitude, people simply hate to see you coming.  Without realizing it, you may have become critical of everything and everyone around you.  You may not realize it, but the people listening to you sure do.

5-    Do you come across as condescending?  No one likes being around people who act, or think they are, better than them.  It is easy to begin thinking you are the only one right.  When this happens, you begin to “talk down” to people, as though you are the authority.  This is a definite “turn off”.

6-    Ask yourself if you are hiding behind bitterness, anger, or unforgiveness? One of the reasons you may come across as having a bad attitude is because you might have one!  I’m not trying to hurt your feelings.  I am simply attempting to get you to deal with the inner problems you may have.  When you work through the things destroying you personally, it will be start rebuilding how people see you publicly.

7-    Don’t take yourself so seriously.  It is all right to laugh at yourself.  If you have faults…join the club.  Just get over them and jump in the pool and enjoy the day!

Do you have some thoughts to add?

Category: Communication, Personal Development, Stress / Tags: , , , , , , ,

Turning a “No Win” into a “Win Win”!

Rodney Agan / August 21, 2012 / No comments

We have all been in what we thought was a “no win” situation, and that may have true.  The reality is that usually what we call a “no win” situation is in reality a “no win” for us.  Someone is winning, just not us.  We are very selfish.  If we are not going to win, we don’t want anyone else to win.  Successful people are people who help other people succeed.  Selfish people are people who only want to succeed themselves, even at the detriment of those around him.

A “win, win” situation is one where you win by helping someone else win. Remember, you reap what you sow.  You will gain success by helping others get it.  Below is a list of things that will help you turn a “no win” into a “win, win”.

1-    Give credit where credit is due

2-    Take one for the team

3-    Remember, you win some, you lose some

4-    Live to fight another day

5-    Never measure your self-worth by wins and losses

6-    Take an honest look at both sides of the situation

7-    Don’t take yourself too serious

Category: Communication, Stress, Teams / Tags: , , , ,

Have You Blown It?

Rodney Agan / August 1, 2012 / No comments

Have you blown it? Of course you have.  We have all blown it.  Not to take the subject lightly, but if you have royally blown it, there is still a path to recovery.  Decisions are always in front of us. Sometimes we make good ones and other times we make bad ones.  Have you just made a bad one?  That does not make you special, it makes you normal.

I am not making excuses for your bad decision, nor am I giving you a pass to make another one.  In fact, my attempt is to do the opposite.  There is life after blowing it, but it may take time and patience.

1-    Stop and re-evaluate where you went wrong. – You don’t want to keep beating yourself up, but you need to do an honest evaluation of the steps that lead up to the failure.  You may have made good decisions and was moving in a good direction, before it all came apart.  You need to identify that moment and why it occurred.  This will help you have the knowledge not to make that mistake gain.

2-    See if you are developing a habit or pattern of bad decisions. -  If you are making bad decisions consistently, you need to delve a little deeper.  Is there a character flaw that needs to be addressed?  Have you allowed habits or patterns to form that need to be broken or changed?  Patterns, good or bad, develop in our lives and often we are the last one to realize it.

3-    Seek accountability before moving forward. -  A friend is a person who loves you unconditionally, but also tells you the truth unfiltered.  When you realize a decision has to be made, run it by your accountability partner.  Don’t find a person who will always agree with you, or that does not understand you.  Allow the right person to have the freedom to speak another point of view into your life.

4-    Keep your mind in gear. -  Often after failure, we shut down.  We tend to tell ourselves we “deserve” free time.  That may be so physically and mentally, but be careful how far you allow this to do.  More people get themselves into deeper trouble when they have no responsibility or accountability.  Stay focused on something of value so your mind will stay engaged and help you move forward.  Depression and stress will have place to stay with you when you keep moving forward.

5-    Don’t allow your entire life to be characterized by one event. -  If you did something really stupid, own up to it. Take responsibility for it, but move forward.  If you need to make restitution, ask for forgiveness, or make a change in your life, do it.  As soon as you get the path of restitution, forgiveness, and correction underway; move on.  Do not allow someone or something to so overwhelm you that you lose all self-worth and self-esteem.  There are many more days ahead.  Rebuild and come back stronger than ever.  Don’t allow you’re past to characterize your future, but you do need to learn from it.

 

Category: Personal Development, Relationships, Stress / Tags: , , , , , , ,

The Big Break

Rodney Agan / July 27, 2012 / 3 comments

Most people live and die waiting on the big break.  The term used to be, “when my ship comes in.”  People are looking for an awesome opportunity to come their way out of nowhere.  Those kinds of breaks are usually without merit.  They are short-lived.  The kind of big break that will change your life is much different.  It comes as a result of something you are ready to handle, not because of luck or chance.

Note the following points about when big breaks seem to happen:

1-    When you are not focused on it. – If you are always looking for the next big opportunity, you will not be laser-focused on your current responsibility. Learn to enjoy the stage or place where are now.  Not only will life be much more enjoyable now, you will appreciate it later.

2-    When your ability has been proven. -  Big breaks come to people who are ready for them.  Have you ever heard, “everything he touches turns to gold”? The truth is that people who seem to get these breaks are usually people who are prepared for them and have done their homework.

3-    When there is more potential than responsibility. - The problem is not that there are not big opportunities out there.  The problem is that there are not enough people equipped to handle them.  In the corporate world or in the ministry there is a greater need for leaders than there are followers.  The problem is many organizations are being led by followers who have not proven themselves.

4-    When others seem to confirm it. – I often run into people who think they are ready for a big break.  More often than not it is because they are unhappy with where they are in life, and they are looking for something different.  Others around them can see through that and understand what is going on.  You are wise to have honest counsel around you to confirm or deny where you are in your journey.

5-    When you outgrow the small ones. – “Big jobs usually go to the men who prove their ability to outgrow small ones.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson.  The truth is that big breaks come to people who have prepared for them and have exercised patience until they come.  I have found it to be a fact that when you consistently succeed in smaller tasks, you will not be able to avoid offers for larger ones.

Big breaks are important, but not as important as the smaller ones!

What are your thoughts?

Category: Change, Personal Development, Stress / Tags: , , , , ,

“Tug and Not War” – Tension on a Team – Part 1

Rodney Agan / July 17, 2012 / 2 comments

This is part 1 in the “Tug and Not War – Tension on a Team” series.

When you see the word tension, you usually think about things like conflict, stress, strain, or pressure.  No leader wants these things for his team.  These things will cause a team to self-destruct.  It will implode and destroy anything connected to it.

Leaders spend a great deal of time working on relieving tension from the team. By the time a leader realizes that tension is present on his team, it is probably already causing trouble.  The results of tension are simply acknowledging the deeper problems that have been missed or left unchecked.

In this opening post dealing with tension, let’s take a closer look at the four words already given that are usually linked to it:

1-      CONFLICT keeps a team from working smoothly and orderly.  It pits people against each other and breeds the wrong kind of competition.  Conflict creates a “look out for #1” mentality.  Instead of working like a team, they will work like individual enemies.

2-      STRESS causes nerves and tempers to flare.  When people are operating under stress they will not act rationally.  Decisions will be made more out of desperation and revenge than logic.  They will operate more in reaction mode than action mode.

3-      STRAIN makes for an unhappy environment.  Creativity is stifled because no one wants to be there.  Team members stop conversing on a personal level.  They begin to highlight only the negative issues they see, and that is all they WILL see.  When strained, teams do not have each other’s back, and will soon start to undercut the others on the team.

4-      PRESSURE is a sign of deeper problems.  Just like a fever is the indicator of an infection or something more serious, pressure affects a team the same way. It reveals that there are problems on the team.  Ask questions like: Who is it affecting? What is causing it? When is it most prevalent? Why has it not been alleviated? How can we solve it and keep the team intact?

In the next posts, I will be dealing with negative and positive tension on a team.  It will require you to be honest with the results you find and willing to do something about it.

Category: Leadership, Stress, Teams / Tags: , , , , ,

When the HEAT is On

Rodney Agan / July 14, 2012 / No comments

Recently the temperature in Atlanta was 110 degrees. We set records on multiple days.  When it gets that hot it changes people’s behavior and mindset.  Things begin to happen like: tempers flaring, people having heat strokes, equipment overheating, and electricity overloading, to name a few.

How about when the heat or pressure is on in your life? What happens then? How do you handle it? What is going on?  Many are under severe pressure mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, or all four. Some things that cause stress are: major life changes, financial problems, work, relationships, children and family, or a busy schedule.

My mom and grandmother used to take vegetables out of a garden and put them in a pressure cooker to seal them in jars.  That pressure cooker was a serious piece of equipment.  A number of jars would be placed in it.  The heat was turned up and over a period of time it would seal the jars inside.  When the pressure became more than the cooker was supposed to handle, a little valve on top would open up and whistle loudly.  While it might scare you, it was actually releasing pressure from the inside so the thing would not blow up.

When the pressure is on in your life, you need to recognize it so you can keep it from blowing up on you. It affects you and those around you.

Pressure (H.E.A.T) will affect you’re:

H-       HEALTH       – I am not a medical doctor but we have all experienced what stress can do to you physically.  It produces high blood pressure, headaches, sleeplessness, and ulcers, to name a few.  You reduce these things when you learn how to “release” the pressure.  You might not be able to change the circumstances, but you can keep them from changing you.  Prayer, exercise, reading, hobbies, and time away are just some of the things that will help you.

E-       EGO   – I realize that too much ego can be a bad thing, but I might add that no ego is a really bad thing.  By ego I am referring to your feelings of self-worth and a proper amount of pride.  When the pressure becomes overwhelming you tend to blame yourself and feel that the problem is all you.  If it is, correct it.  If it is not, you need to get a proper perspective.  You are somebody.  You are a creation of God. You have a lot to offer and you should not hide it any longer.  Hold your head high and walk humbly.

A-     ATTITUDE     – When the heat is on, it always affects your attitude.  You become cynical, critical, combative, defensive, or depressed.  You don’t know why you are mad all the time.  Emotionally, it may bring you to tears. Since your emotions are so raw, the smallest things agitate you.  You don’t know why, and you don’t how to stop it.  You feel that your life is spiraling out of control.  This is when you need to seek counseling, coaching, or someone who will hold you accountable.

T-       TRUST         – You feel that the world is to blame and everyone is out to get you.  You can’t trust anyone, even those closest to you. You think you are the only one with problems. NEWS FLASH: everyone has problems and the world does not revolve around you. Everyone has pressure.  Yours may be different, but it is yours to endure or enjoy. If you are going to “go” through it, why not “grow” through it?

When the heat is on, look for a release valve. What are your thoughts?

Category: Personal Development, Stress / Tags: , , , , , ,